Without You
by Saber Knight
Summary: A look on how the Kinoshita twins would be if each of the two were an only child. First chapter shows Yuuko without Hideyoshi; second chapter will be Hideyoshi without Yuuko.
1. Yuuko

****DISCLAIMER: Do not own Baka and Test or anything related to it, also do not own Gintama (should any references appear).****

**A/N: Just to clarify it, Yuuko does not wear a hairpin in this story.**

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><p>The alarm woke me up, my hand automatically going to turn it off as it did every single day. Par my usual routine, I got up and went and brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed, and headed downstairs to make a small breakfast to eat now and a lunch to take with me to school. The house was quiet as always; seeing as my parents don't live here, only sending money from their travels; and seeing that I didn't have any siblings to speak of. The house was just… quiet.<p>

I'm a 17-year old girl, my name: Kinoshita Yuuko, an only-child living alone. My life is… average, I suppose. I go to school, hang out with friends, come home, study and work out, and read shounen-ai manga. My grades are some of the best in my entire school; my strength is super; and on the outside, I seem like a perfectly happy girl living a perfectly happy life.

But that's not true…

On the inside, I feel so lonely. I may have friends and such, but I don't have anyone that I can just be completely myself with. At school, I always put up a façade of being the "model student of Class A", never allowing the extent of my full personality out in fear of my reputation being ruined.

I never have had someone to share all my pain and secrets with; no one I can just speak to without fear of judgment or a break-off of relations; no one to speak to about my secret boys-love fling. No one I can just be myself with, my real self.

I sighed, slipping my shoes on before picking up my bag and starting on my way to school. None of my friends lived nearby, so I was walking alone as always. My looks drew the eyes of quite a few boys, and even a girl or two here and there. I simply ignored them, keeping to myself.

I turned my head off to the side at the sound of some commotion, catching sight of a couple of students from Class F - the class who _tried _to take down my class in a summoner war. The brunette boy was acting so carefree with the class rep, a boy named Sakamoto, that it actually started making me feel a little jealous. It made me feel like I wanted someone myself to act so idiotically carefree with...

But that'd never happen, so I just simply tore my eyes away from them and continued on towards class.

I entered Class A, softly waving at Shouko and Kubo, the two top students (I followed shortly behind Kubo as the third top student) in our class. As always, they welcomed me warmly, which made me feel a little less lonely inside. But still, it's not like I could just be carefree with them - after all, I... have a reputation to uphold.

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><p>I tapped my pencil lead against my notebook, hearing the teacher's lesson but not listening to it. I was more drawn into my thoughts of what it would be like to have someone who would love me no matter what. Of course, there were my parents... but they were never around.<p>

_Someone around my own age - someone who didn't love me like a lover, but someone who loved me like a... sister?_ I smiled, wondering what it would be like if I had a sibling. Would it be a girl or a boy? Older or younger?

Without meaning to, I started drawing. As I drew a person, my sibling if I had one, I wondered what he or she would look like. Would it be a younger sister or brother? Older sister or brother? What would their hair be like? Color? How big their chest was or how tall would they be?

What would they wear? Casual clothing; pajamas; a school uniform?

"What is this?" I was suddenly snapped out of my trance-like state by the sound of the teacher's voice as he looked down at my notebook, I not noticing what was on it as I looked up at him, about to apologize for not listening to him. "This is pretty good, Kinoshita-san. You drew a picture of yourself just now? You have some talent there - though I do wonder about your uniform."

Confused, I looked down at my notebook, catching sight of a drawing of me. I stood there on the page, my hair (as always) freely falling down my face. It was almost an exact copy of myself if it wasn't flat-chested and wearing a boys' uniform.

"Ah, maybe this is how you'd look if you were a boy?" The teacher asked, smiling at me warmly.

_A boy...? _I asked myself, taking a closer look at the picture. _A... brother...?_

"Well, I don't mind if you draw, just so long as you listen to me while you're doing it."

I blinked, looking back up at him. "Uh, oh... t-thank you sensei. I apologize for not listening, I'll make sure to not make the same mistake again." I told him, standing up and giving an apologetic bow.

"Thank you, Kinoshita-san, you may be seated now." As I sat back down, he started heading back towards the front of the class. "Now, as I was saying, Toyotomi Hideyoshi-" His lecture went on, speaking about Oda and Akechi. I made sure to listen to him, but couldn't help my eyes from being drawn to the picture I had drawn.

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><p>I started on my way home after school, my bag in one hand and my notebook in the other. I couldn't help but keep thinking about the picture I had drawn; and, for some reason, I felt like giving it... <em>him<em> a name. So, what would he be called if I really did have a little brother?

My mind drifted, soon returning to my history teacher's lecture about the Warring States Period. I remembered Oda and Akechi, and all those other names he had mentioned, but the name of 'Hideyoshi' stood out the most. I didn't know why at first, but a memory soon surfaced in my mind.

Hideyoshi's former surname had been Kinoshita, the same as mine. Of course, it had been Kinoshita Tōkichirō, but 'Hideyoshi' had a much nicer ring to it. So, that's what I decided I'd call my picture.

_Hideyoshi. Kinoshita Hideyoshi._

My expression fell as I stopped, opening up my notebook and taking another look at the picture. _If only... he was real..._

_but... he's not._


	2. Hideyoshi

**A/N: As with Yuuko, Hideyoshi does not wear a hairpin in this story. Also, there are a few references from The Beginning.**

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><p>My name is Hideyoshi, Kinoshita Hideyoshi. I live at home while my parents are off on their travels, and I don't have any siblings to share the house with. It's not bad, since I do have friends that I really enjoy hanging out with; but, sometimes, I think it would be pretty nice to have a brother or a sister. It'd probably make my life... happier.<p>

I shook my head, trying to keep past memories from resurfacing. Instead, I focused on getting ready for school, finishing drawing on my uniform. I placed the belt on, feeling a bit happier once it was completely on. I was wearing a boys' uniform, which I've only just started wearing since I've entered high school. Beforehand, in middle school and grade school, I had been forced to wear a girls' uniform all the time... But now, it's different.

I took a deep breath, focusing my mind towards breakfast and lunch. I wouldn't allow myself any time to dwell on the past; after all, it was the past. I have a present now alongside my friends.

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><p>I stepped out of my house, locking the door behind me right before I heard a voice calling out to me. "Hideyoshi!" I turned around, waving my hand back at my best friend, a brunette boy by the name of Yoshii Akihisa. "Good morning!" Akihisa finished once he had reached me, a big and idiotic grin on his face.<p>

I smiled back at him, a blush instantly making itself known on his cheeks. "Yeah, good morning, Akihisa."

"You two coming or what?" A deeper voice called out from the street, my eyes shifting past Akihisa to catch the sight of a tall, red-haired boy leaning up against a post with his bag slung over his shoulder and a couple of bandages on his face.

"Good morning, Yuuji." I told him, walking up to the boy with a smile on my face, though it started fading when I saw the extent of his injuries. I couldn't help but feel the need to apologize to him, but as soon as I started to open my mouth, he interrupted me.

"There's nothing you need to be sorry about, Hideyoshi. We're friends, and this is what friends do for each other." Yuuji said, moving away from the pole and turning towards the direction of the school.

"Yeah, Yuuji's right, Hideyoshi!" Akihisa assured me, his smile even bigger than before, if such a thing was possible. "Besides, the lunches you make us are gratitude enough! So, you don't have to worry. We don't mind beating up a couple of pushy, hormonal guys if it's for our friend! Right, Yuuji?" Akihisa asked, looking hopefully at the redhead.

"Right." Yuuji simply said right before starting to head off towards school.

I looked at the two of them for a few moments before giving off a soft smile; and though I acted content as I walked along with the two of them, I couldn't help but to feel guilty. All because of me, they'd get into fights with any hormonal guy who was too pushy.

It was all because of what happened in middle school...

_"No one's going to be here to help you, Hideyoshi-chan."_

"Hideyoshi?" Akihisa's voice snapped me back to the present, my eyes going to lock with his own. Concern was written all over his face, which only eased a little when the smile returned to my face.

"It's nothing..."

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><p><strong>Lunch Break<strong>

I got up, heading out of the classroom, telling Akihisa and Yuuji that I was heading off to the restroom and assured them that I was fine going alone. I made my way down the hall, wary of the other students milling about. It didn't take too long for me to catch sight of the restroom; but before I could reach it, a voice suddenly called out my name. "Kinoshita-chan."

I turned around, catching the sight of a tall, raven-haired guy. His cheeks were pink as he stood in front of me, his gaze shifted more towards the ground than me. I knew what was going to happen (it's happened before), and I just hoped that he wouldn't be forceful or desperate...

"Y-yes...?" I muttered, glancing back at the bathroom. It was the boys' bathroom, so if something happened, it would be useless... but the girls'...

I could go in there if the situation called for it...

"Umm, well, you see..." The boy scratched at the back of his head, clearly nervous as he took a deep breath to try and regain himself. "I... I like you, Kinoshita-chan... and I was wondering..." The boy's blush got deeper as he looked back into my eyes. "If you'd... go out on a date with me..." He said softly.

"But I'm... a guy!"

He averted his eyes away from me. "It... it doesn't matter... whether you're a guy or a girl... because... I... I really like you, Kinoshita-chan!" He took a step forward, a new determination in his voice.  
>"I'm sorry, but I can't..." I looked away from him, turning towards the restroom.<br>"W-wait, Kinoshita-chan!" The boy called out, reaching forward and grabbing my arm.

My body reacted by itself; my voice instinctively sounding out in a shriek as I pulled away from his grab, falling down onto the ground as uncontrollable terror swept over me. My body trembled from his touch, my mind a blank as I tried to scoot away from him. Memories rushed forward from where they had been hiding under the flow of time; memories of everything that had happened...

Memories... of _them_...

_"You're all ours for now."_

"P-please... n-no..." I muttered, my voice shaking as the boy backed off, his eyes wide in shock. "G-get away... s-stop... p-please..." Tears ran down my cheeks as I wrapped my arms around me. I looked down, hiding my face as the tears started to fall. I don't remember what happened after that; all I could remember was the sound of Akihisa's voice and of his feet running.

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><p>In grade school, because of my feminine features, the guys forced me to always wear a girls' uniform. They bullied and teased me constantly, never allowing me a moment of respite. I wasn't even able to use the boys' restroom because of them saying how girls should use the girls' restroom instead. Even the teachers didn't believe that I was a boy.<p>

But middle school was where it truly started; where all of my terror and nightmares began. I was still forced to wear the girls' uniform, and their bullying worsened even more so than how it was like in grade school. They always made fun of how I looked, always took my lunch without mercy, and always took up every chance to tease me. But then, it all started to change.

They gradually stopped being so mean; stopped making fun of how I looked; stopped teasing and stopped stealing - they stopped all of the bullying. And like that, they lulled me into a false sense of security. I _actually_ began to think that they were making up for everything they had done to me when they started being nice and friendly. But it was all a lie.

They weren't friends; they were boys entering into puberty, growing aware of girls... and me. _Me_.

One day, in the locker room, was when it happened - was when it all began. My terror, my nightmares, my instinctive fear of being touched by another boy. It was all a result of the unspeakable horrors of that day, where I had no one to come and rescue me. I was just alone, all alone in a room full of hormonal guys. And ever since then, I've been unable to tolerate the touch of another boy... even Akihisa...

Then, there are the nightmares, where I'm all alone, just like that day. Backed into a corner in pitch darkness, demons all before me... all staring at me and coming closer with each passing moment. They suffocate me, they terrorize me, they make me wake up screaming in the middle of the night. And in the middle of the night, there is no one there to comfort me. I lie awake for hours some times, unable to go back to sleep because I'm afraid of having another such dream.

It's all... so horrible.

But there's Akihisa, who, with his boundless stupidity and kindness, manages to cheer me up despite everything; Yuuji who is a good friend and takes good care of his own friends, always standing up for me even if he has to fight against bigger guys that outnumber him; and then...

There's that _one _dream...

A dream I have once or twice every couple of weeks (or if I'm lucky, three or four times every two weeks). This dream, like the nightmare, is set in that world of darkness. It still has those demons before me while I'm stuck in the corner, but... there is someone else there. A shining silhouette that stands in between me and the demons. In that dream, the demons cower where they stand, unable to move as they fade away into nothingness. The darkness turns to light, the corner disappears, and I reach for the silhouette. But just as I'm about to make contact with it, and just as it looks back at me, the dream ends.

Sometimes, I wonder who that silhouette is. Someone the same height as me, but with an overflowing abundance of power... of protectiveness. Lately, I've begun to think that the silhouette represents what would have been if I had a brother or sister... He, she, would stand as shield and sword, protecting me and loving me with no effort at all... always caring for me...

Then, before I knew it, I was having that dream. My back was up against a wall, dozens upon dozens of demons of all different sizes and shapes and colors arrayed before me. But standing in front of me, and in front of them, was that shining silhouette. The demons tried to move, as hard as they could they tried; but it made no difference. They cowered in the end, vanishing into dust and nothingness until not one trace of them remained. The wall behind me disappeared, and a beautiful sky bloomed over the field I now stood on.

I started to reach out my hand towards the silhouette who still stood resolute, but I suddenly stopped. Ever since I've been having this dream I've always reached out for it, but what if I were to do something different...? Instead of reaching out, what if all it took was just to call out to it? But, what would I say... what name would I call?

Then, before I knew it, my mouth moved on its own accord.

_"Sis..."_

The silver of the silhouette disappeared, being replaced with full color as she turned around, her emerald eyes meeting my own, her brunette hair swaying in the gentle breeze.

_"Hey..."_

I couldn't stop myself from stepping forward, reaching out and grasping her hand. She looked at me with a smile on her face, placing her arm around me and holding me to her.

That moment, I felt the safest I have ever felt in my entire life in her embrace; so safe and warm, even if it was...

only a dream...


End file.
